| He that plants thorns must never expect to gather roses |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
| Took my time! |
[Wednesday
May 27th, 2009
11:46am] |
|
I've unpacked my bag fully for the first time since i was 6. I wonder what that means psychologically...
|
|
| i'm feeling a little confused |
[Tuesday
May 26th, 2009
2:16pm] |
Gosh, i couldn't really have got myself into a weirder pickle if i tried.
Everything seems to be happening at once. I've been offered a house sitting job by my cousin this summer, whichs means yet another summer by myself. I'm worried that the transport links from hers to civilisation as i know it will be even poorer than it is in my end of hertfordshire. I guess i'll still be earning money for nothing though, which is nice.
I'm worried that i haven't revised enough- i.e. not at all and that i won't be in a position where i can pull out of UCAS, that would mean that i'd be both letting a job down and some travel.
Speaking of travel i was first offered a flatshare by Andrew and Sterling, but they live in St louis heights which isn't exactly great for someone who doesn't own a car to be able to get down to Waikiki and downtown. So i rejected their offer even though the rent was pretty good. I think it was something like £600 for a month inclu. bills...but now i'm wondering whether i've done the right thing, when i think i MAY be able to get a moped rental legally under silly US law. Then came Michelangelo who's also offered me a room..he has the MOST amazing penthouse in a condo near diamond head, but also up the hill near UH Manoa, which isn't ideal, although apparently you can see the beach from his balcony...which is promising. I've put up that i can not move in for hte long term and it'll be 2 months at the max, although i'm thinking that perhaps flying over to the Gold Coast AU might seem like a good idea as car rental for under 21s is allowed by some rental companies in Queensland. I'm just worried that if i move in with someone it might limit the number of people i meet, whereas, if i hostel it, i can meet loads of people- but my belongings (of which there will be plenty) may not neccessarily be safe?! It all works out to a similar price anyway...so it's all a little confusing.
I wonder if the people i've invited to come along with me will come in the end...if they do then hostelling is a better option...i shouldn't tie myself down putting in a moving-in deposit on a condo...but marsfsbkjfbsdkjfbsdjkfbsJBFSB FUCK ME I'M CONFUSED.
Also, i have no problem with old men social interaction or anything, but having to integrate into the lives of 30 year olds who are in the swing of things seems a little daunting. I'm sure i'll managed well, but, a little bit of me has its reservations.
Also, had a hollywood the other day...oh my FUCKING CHRIST...in one word...OUCH. But yeh...feels great! =]
Why is it my social life perks up always around exam time? I'm not too happy about that! Plus, why is it some people find ways of pissing me off more than ever when i LEAST NEED THEM TO. Gosh, some people really have shown their true colours lately. I don't know if i'm being over analytical or what, but i can not help thinking that on this occasion, i'm bloody right.
whatevs.
x
|
|
| mergh |
[Tuesday
May 12th, 2009
5:55am] |
I really wish my mother would stop being so immature. She made a committment and she should stick to it now. 30 years later is not the point to be thinking of what ifs and all that jazz, it's all really very silly. I alsolutely love her and i can understand her dilemma, but it's really all water under the bridge now.
hmph.
|
|
| how can... |
[Saturday
April 25th, 2009
9:55am] |
a perfect set of teeth tell you in one instant that you've been so wrong for the last two years? It's absolutely hilarious how the most minute, insignificant little things are enough to set off ridiculous chains of events and thought patterns? I used to admire people with cameleon-like qualities, who could fit into any situation and be like anyone they were surrounded with, but now i'm starting to see the cracks in that- along with perfect teeth. I really don't know what some people are trying to prove. Over hearing a quote a few months ago comes to mind; the respone of it being "so true" resonates in the situation i was put in on thursday.
Also, i think lately i've learnt about the limits of my looks and personality. Going up to Cleethorpes and Grimsby when my skin was dreadful (as dreadful as it's been lately), i was dressed as a tramp and i had no make-up meant that i had to rely on my personality alone and my abilty to command situations when i had to give my speech to the cleethorpes guys and just generally go about the place. It just seems weird that it hadn't occured to me before, but i got on just as well as i would have if i was as well turned out as i usually try to be. I'm considering trying that experiment in school, although i fear that a little bit of it was down to the fact that i was away from London and ultimately, my general air improved as i wasn't constantly being reminded of the weight the city seems to put on my shoulders.
Just finished reading My lover's Lover, had been meaning to do so for ages- always only ever getting 3/4 of the way through then being distracted by textbooks or something else. A bit particularly stuck in my mind, where the character loves swimming when she's little and notices just the little things she likes about being in the water and then when she's older and is having to race against people in school swimming lessons, she goes off swimming. I decided that actually, i'm a bit like that. I'm not as competitive as i used to be. I don't care about beating other people, i'm starting to just care about doing things to please myself...a sort of, positive slant on hedonism.
|
|
| worst weekend |
[Sunday
March 22nd, 2009
7:13am] |
Just had the most traumatic weekend of my life. Friday was dreadful, went to teh worst party ever, all the different schools kept to themselves, channing, habs, ucs, highgate and woodhouse all kept to their litle corners. Also made the worst mistake of my life which everyone who decided to videotape/take pictures of on their mobile won't let me live down until i slice their bollocks off or steal their sim cards.
Yesterday was horrendus. In a bad mood from friday and had to work from 6 pm until 1:30 am sunday morning trying to control spoilt little rich girls at some Batmitzvah. Got another next weekend.
Maths test tomorrow, well maths mock. Don't matter, but don't want to give dept. more reasons to be angry with me by failing...have hardly revised and need to do so badly, but find myself on livejournal instead. oh dear.
Mothers day roast today at my aunts...was rather boring as usual, didn't have much to say to cousins they were too busy being teenagers and sulking and my older ones were too busy sulking because they are rapidly realising the job market is shit and that they haven't reproduced or that they *have* reproduced and are finding it tough.
mergh...life goes on i suppose. I just can't wait for end of term to be able to get myself into some revision and know that i'm heading somewhere and not going to comepletly fail. Need to get this week over and done with, get over humiliation and get up to Haveslocke Academy which the school described as " a poor state school with children from deprived backgrounds" i nearly pissed myself when they said that- what fools. Anyway, looking forward to heading up north and checking it out...this so called "deprived" area is probably better than where i live. Anyway.
I've been trying to work out in my head how i progressed from the friday before last to last friday, it just doesn't quite make sense, the word "inept" sums it all up. I feel like i fuck saying it, but that really does matter to be and someone's understanding of it is key in determining what i think of them. Thinking of heading of the STTE whatever the rest of the true title is as stanidng outside the main entrance with a plackard. Hmmm...perhaps not. Maybe i just need some coleing instead.
right. i'm off.
|
|
| MY EYES |
[Monday
September 29th, 2008
6:48am] |
|
HAVE BEEN OPENED! FINALLY!
|
|
| so sad |
[Tuesday
September 16th, 2008
5:50am] |
I miss so many of my old friend right now it's ridiculous.
I really want to go round to Wilf's house for dinner and sit with him and Sara and just chat mindlessly with lovely french food and a glass of wine and nice latin american music in the background. god i miss those two. It would be even better if we were travelling again.
I'm still not over what a lovely time charlotte, tessa and i had the other week just cooking dinner, having yummy snacks and side dishes and even better, some baileys nd just sitting around chatting about old women type issues. Nothing beats staying in with teh girlies and just relaxing; everything is too hectic right now to even contemplate doing anything slightly wilder.
Today was just about one of the shittiest days ever, Pembroke admissions tutor was a complete bitch, had bad news from tutor about application support and just generally didn't understand probabilty- the easiest thing in the world, therefore feeling asthough strongest subject is slowly becoming weakest.
A cloud of doom and gloom seems to have decended over Highgate lately, everyone feels asthough they are failing, the UKCAT, TSA, HAT, LNAT, and what have you seem to have taken over a large majority of people's lives and for as for everyone else, they must feel shit to not feel "in" with the whole process- i knew the feeling.
My eye sight has gone from bad to worse, i'm now permentantly wearing glasses which is annoying and making me feel claustrophibic and isn't helped my my eye balls and head consantly feeling asthough they are on the brink of erruption. I seriously look like a class A nerd and i'm not feeling any better.
Will probably move out next week so that i don't have to commute between london and herts everyday, so that i can stay on longer and get working on all the prep and uni stuff...but i just want my own bed. wish i didn't have to move out, then again returing to dinner ready made and a friendly face is always an upside.
Can't wait for Queens' and for St As and Edinburgh- will be good to get away from london for a while longer, although i was in Cambridge and Grantchester just on the weekend. fuck, i need to move away asap.
okay, i've moaned enough. Shall now go nd pull duvet cover over self and never reemerge. hopefully.
bye
|
|
| bastards |
[Thursday
August 28th, 2008
1:07pm] |
Eurgh my god, i just wish my fucking parents would get their noses out of my university and degree choice business. What's it to them? All they're saying is "I thought you wanted to make MONEY Alesha. What the hell are you doing?"
I'll tell you what the *hell* i'm doing- i'm trying to do something useful with my life unlike them to mope around complaining about money and being ridiculous. Bite me.
|
|
| my mother |
[Saturday
August 23rd, 2008
3:10pm] |
is a complete crack head. Oh my fucking god, here's what she said, "It's my duty to tell you that your aunt found a "prince of Izmir" he's very rich, i think you should go to Turkey and see if he'll buy some places in London and send you to university and then you can get married but remember if this is going to happen you're going to have to loose some weight. This sort of chance only comes along once in a lifetime."
WHAT THE FUCK!?
OH DID I MENTION HOW OLD HE IS ASWELL...no i better not..
|
|
| happy days |
[Friday
August 15th, 2008
9:53am] |
A levels were fine...although there is something dodgy with our school as a whole's results and marking, i think i'm eeing anti private school bias from the markers...so we'll see what happens with that.
Back from Cambridge about 2 minutes ago...so upset to have left Cambridge behind...but...you know what happened there Alesha...so...who knows, if they keep to their promise. Obvz big mind fucker...Maths vs Oriental Studies...but we'll see how the cookie decides to crumble and what fate has in store for me.
yes. okay. bed.
|
|
| SO HAPPY |
[Thursday
August 14th, 2008
9:01am] |
It's D-day today and i've extended my stay in Cambridge because i don't want to turn up and find out what fate has in store for me...decided i'll await the postman and continue my research as oppose to coming back to crummy old London and feeling miserable for god knows how long.
Cambridge has totally revitalised me, i feel sane for once. The weather is amazing, the people in the hostel are so so so great i've met the most eclectic mix of people from all over the world who have opened up and told me all about their lives, their loves and passions and dreams- it truely reenforces my belief that it's the people that make a place.
The library i'm using the study here is so jam packed full of every resource i could possibly dream of, but i was angry when i wasted a whole days work looking at texts and documents and journals from a period which was apparently out of my range (pre 600 AD), hence another reason for my trip extension.
Right now i'm waiting for my laundry to get done in the drier then i can hop onto my bicycle and get into town to do my work...maybe this evening i'll go for a pint with some people and maybe even a punt...although i'm so inredibly broke, it's a complete and utter joke.
MMMMaannnn this totally beats staying at home by myself for endless amounts of time; i'm actually grining from ear to ear right now...AHHHHHHH I'M SO HAPPY HERE!!!!!
Righto....my internet token is about to run out and i think i feel like being a lazy arse in the telly room and watching the olympics whilst my clothes take on a new odour other than sweat. yummy.
aahhh HAPPY HAPPY HAPPPPPPPYYYYY!!
|
|
| Finished |
[Thursday
July 17th, 2008
9:29pm] |
okulu bitirdim bugun, uzuldum biraz, iraj beze konusdu ve cok gusel seyler soledi- ozlecem harkezi. Isim daha bitmedi ama ! =P
='[
|
|
| AHHH |
[Sunday
June 29th, 2008
4:40am] |
FOUR MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFFFTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Might go and work in APS for a week...i need to do something with my 9 weeks, or else i'll be soooo bored...mon dieu man.
okay, well i have completely failed at keeping with my deadlines...i think i'm complete and utter toast this week...oh well...soon be over eh?
Wondering whether i should actually go to the gym during the holidays or just go swimming in the mornings..could get pricey?
I really want to go to Prague or Budapest i need to make some money...does anyone need their whole house cleaning or something?
xxx
|
|
| meh |
[Thursday
June 26th, 2008
7:31am] |
i feel so ILL.
There was something like 20 people in school today...damn open days.
Not going in tomorrow, think i'll entertain myself with an essay and then try to sleep off withever this disgusting bug is.
|
|
| my |
[Saturday
June 21st, 2008
12:32am] |
|
friday evening and saturday morning was ruined by your incompetence and inability to give me notice. Eurgh. Now his really feels like the end, i've got all my things back. consider yourself deleted.
|
|
| Oh my lordy |
[Friday
May 30th, 2008
4:26am] |
It is 4:30 AM...why am i still up? Or should i say, why have i got up this early to do some more History....oh, i know why, becuase i will FAIL otherwise. OH MY SHIT MAN, I GOT A D IN MY MOCK BECAUSE I BALNKED AND WROTE 2 PARAGRAPHS....now i need to work my ass off. I should've worked my ass off the whole year round with History, but it, along with politics has been so boring...only now, now that i'm revising, do i notice that the course is actually quite good and very managable (but only if i started learning it from the FUCKING BEGINNING).
Eurgh whatever.
I can't wait until 16:15 on monday when i will have reclaimed my life, be able to read ANY book i want, talk on the phone and online for hours, go out - FINALLY, and just LIVE. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh i can't wait.
PLUS....i also want to treat myself to a good bit of Sex and the City lovage, a trip somewhere in the UK (by myself), one with friends and then a trip abroad...
I got a job for the summer, which requires me moving out...which should be...erm..interesting, but i suppose the money is good and the hours are short and i've been told i can have friends round in the evening if i want (so long as they are girls)...HA THAT SHOULD BE INTERESTING SEEING AS I GO TO A FUCKING BOYS SCHOOL...eurgh, WTF mate..come on now...i have like 3 frineds who are girls at HG, the rest are guys...i can tell, i'll be seeing alot of those 3 girlies over the summer.
I'm also, very VERY interested in M.I.T. right now. Out of everywhere, there's appealing to me the most...whcih meants i need to get my arse into gear and work harder. they accept 100/4000 internationals...okay...dream on Alesha, you have no chance. St Andrews maybe? I'll go up there next week and check it out...nice and secluded....may have weird lunactics....hmm...maybe not...
OKAY...WORK ALESHA, THAT'S WHY YOURE UP AT THIS GODFORSAKKEN HOUR.
|
|
| i feel |
[Friday
May 16th, 2008
8:55pm] |
like i'm going to flop so badly.
I want to summer so much but i just don't want to get ot 14th August because i know i'll feel asthough i've been handed the exam certificate of someone else...it'll look disgusting.
eurgh.
|
|
| eurgh |
[Wednesday
April 30th, 2008
4:28pm] |
I turned into one of those annoying people today. I cried hysterically on the train home today having left school at like 2:15. Fucking hell man...i need to get a grip...but to be honest, i was damn insulted and the realisation that hard work doesn't pay off was a very harsh hit of reality.
Bring on the summer and a country cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere (i hope).
|
|
| going toooo..... |
[Monday
April 28th, 2008
5:00am] |
|
tanzania....Gemma is actually amazing.
|
|
| noooo |
[Monday
April 14th, 2008
2:30am] |
I need another week off to get everythin i need to get done, done.
Meerrrghhhhh i'm so annoyed, from now unitl June 2nd i'm going to be in school everyday from 8:15 am to 6-7pm....that is so WRONG! But i guess it'll mean i'll pass come May. I hope so anyway.
I am dreading facing House master and tutor + the other stream of people i need to talk to about my subject decision...this is going to be a tough tough week starting Thursday. HELP!!????
hmmm it'll be worth it once i no longer have to face history lessons...eurgh i can't think of anything more boring.
I've realised that i really do love French deep down, so long as i'm doing for pleasure and not for a piece of work that is due in to person y. That's just horrible.
anyway.
meh.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chimp_teeth's journal